About It's A Deal Maker

At It's A Deal Maker, you create the foundation for the relationship you want, the relationship that will meet your expectations. You get what you want at the time you want. In 2014, OkCupid's Co-founder Christian Rudder said, “OkCupid doesn’t really know what it’s doing. Neither does any other website.” It's A Deal Maker goes in the opposite direction that every other dating service has gone since the first computerized service on the first computers back in the 1960s. Below are three articles that come together to give you a complete understanding of how and why this system works.

Part 1: An Introduction to Understanding

The story of dating websites from personal ads in 1695 to the first internet websites in 1995 people has always used whatever technology to reach out and get what they want. But rarely do we ever get what we want. We barely find anyone to even see if they are what we want.

Dating websites started with simple questions matching them up with others who for example like dogs or are vegetarians or whole sites just for finding another biker. Sure those things might be important to you. But is being a biker or even the same religion a good foundation for a relationship, any kind of relationship? When you go over to your friends’ house to play video games, it's not because you are both Christian, it's that you both want the same things; to play video games.

This is what dating websites have all wrong: no structure. They focus on chemistry and completely ignore the customers’ wants. From 1995 to Tinder in 2012 this pattern has only gotten worse.

The structure is what people want: the life you want and the time you want. It’s what every quality relationship is built on. If people want to hook up, do they want people to stay the night, or do they want the other person to have the possibility of catching feelings? Well if expectations are clear and both sides know what is expected from them, what to do, and what not to do, the set structure and boundaries are ironically more freeing leading to more risk-taking, fun, and honesty. These awkward questions that arise from not knowing what the other person wants or expects (like paying the bill, limits of touching on the first date) these unknowns create a fog on the actual dates. One of the most common questions on a dating site is why you are here. People spend months and sometimes years, well into marriage, trying to tease out their partner’s wants and intentions when it comes to such things as kids, career, and their vision of the life they want, even down to how serious of a relationship they want. That's where a website like mine comes in.

Focusing on structure creates the playing field for real chemistry to be found. Because real chemistry can only be found by engaging the other person. Just because someone is a sports fanatic and you are not doesn't mean that you both won't have amazing conversations that last all night. This is how these other sites hinder you from finding it. I guess we'll have to start calling Tinder, Hinder. It’s about people’s wants and expectations, what they want the first date to be like, and who they expect their date to be. And the other way around, what they want their date to expect of them and what they want their date to expect out of them. When their foundations match they now have the structure on which to build a relationship.

People already fall all over themselves striving for this service without even realizing it. It is a blind spot in the Meta consciousness of society. In new relationships, people are so excited initially that most first launches putter out just as quickly as they begin. In arranged marriages, there is zero enthusiasm in the beginning but instead, as time goes on their enthusiasm increases over time. It’s the structure that leads them to have the highest rates of marriage satisfaction. Many people try to instinctively achieve structure by being friends first, but all this does is set up both parties for a gamble in losing a friend. People simply don't know how to do it. This is why such things as the friend zone have become social issues, usually with the man feeling stuck waiting and the woman feeling used and betrayed by a friend. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Fixing this dynamic by using my structured service isn't even the best part. When the logistic fog is lifted and the foundation is in place (and with honesty it’s very easy to do, and even better for your date to know before your first message) the pressure of tiptoeing through the fog is not there; relieving some pressure on both parties. And when you relax you can be yourself more. See, rather than compounding a problem you are compounding a solution. Being yourself fosters honesty, honesty brings risk-taking and risk-taking brings fun, once again paradoxically knowing the boundaries allows more freedom, making it easier to find the more pure truth as to whether or not 2 people have chemistry. I even think that this will lessen the puffing out of the chest that comes out in people’s profiles on both sides of the aisle.

In conclusion, back in the day, our society was our structure. It was expected that man pays, you don't have sex until marriage or love and all family units were strives for an identical ideal with the wife child-rearing and the husband bread-winning. But for better or worse now people all have their ideas and visions of the life they want. But with people operating on different structures (of ideas, expectations, and visions) actual dates have the same logistical problems that all dating sites, until now, reflect. With my website, this is the first time a service has solved or even tried to solve the logistics of all relationships creating the structure for people to get what they want. Never again will a casual fling turn into a morning cling. Never again will a date go south because boundaries were not clear. Once the expectations finally become clear in a relationship, isn't that where the real fun begins anyway?

Part 2: A Closer Look

This is not like any other dating site that has ever been thought of. When it comes to meeting new people for any kind of relationship a certain amount is poking and prodding comes with trying to figure out the other person's intentions and expectations. I call this a logistical fog, and people lift this fog by coming to an understanding of wants and needs. In other words, a foundation to form a relationship. This is what dating websites have all wrong, no structure. They focus on chemistry and completely ignore the customers’ wants. This has only gotten worse through the efficiency of playing out this pattern.

The way my website gets people what they want is by asking questions to form a kind of declaration of their wants and are matched with others who share specific wants. A short example of the result of these questions would be a declaration that reads like this: I want a date to this movie between these times and I want no more than hand-holding and a kiss on the cheek with no chance of the date lasting longer than the specified time. They are then matched with someone who wants the same thing. There are 3 paths on my site, one for dating, hooking up, and marriage. Each path with a unique declaration of what they want. It’s about people’s wants and expectations, what they want the first date to be like, who they expect their date to be, and the other way around. Once the expectations and wants become clear to both parties that is where real chemistry can be found. The reason it’s so important to get these things out in the open and set up a structure of boundaries and expectations is that ironically knowing the boundaries allows for more freedom. Both parties can relax and be themselves more, so they find more pure truth as to whether or not those two people have chemistry. This is the first time a dating website will solve the logistics of meeting people for the first time.

The questions on itsadealmaker.com lift the logistical fog that comes with first dates and can sometimes stretch into marriage. One of the most common things on dating websites is asking someone why they are here. Both sides ALWAYS ask this but the women that get 100s of messages every day reflect this in their profiles by stating to NOT ask them why they are there and are also the ones to remedy this in their profile description, but I think it’s still not nearly enough. This might not seem like a huge thing at first glance but I see it as a huge phenomenon to be exploited as the tool needed to help society as it transfers itself into the digital age. And romantic relationships are the only aspect that has not been improved by technology because of a lack of understanding. Society, in this aspect, is stumbling forward into this new age blindly. They give up on trying altogether and this is seen in the huge rise in virginity among millennials. With the news of birth rates declining and the decline in marriages, this service will be the most popular in the US, UK, Europe, Australia, and Japan.

There are so many things that stem from this logistical fog, but the gist is making clear expectations and it’s the result of that, that is exciting. Because if expectations are clear and both sides know what is expected from them, what to do, and what not to do, then it’s the set structure and boundaries that are ironically more freeing leading to more risk-taking, fun, and honesty. So the benefits of my structured system service roll-out of control compound with benefits to the user. And since I'm not just some other niche I'm not creating a smaller pond to fish in I'm taking the entire pond and expanding on it because I think even people already in relationships will benefit from using the service. Because this is the first time that the internet is going to be used as a tool it is going to make life better rather than just transferring over a failure into the digital realm and streamlining the same problems. The point is that there is a huge social black spot that people crave a fix for and they fall over themselves to fix it, not able to define the problem and not even realizing it. What’s worse is how they try to. It hurts their relationships even more. One example is social issues like the friend zone. People crave structure so they set some boundaries to just be friends first and see where it goes from there. The problems that arise are this huge social issue known as the friend zone with men feeling stuck waiting and women feeling used and betrayed by a friend. This is one example of what people and dating websites do to compound a problem.

Part 3: A Complete Understanding

In the 50s there was a foundation for relationships given to us by society, even explicitly with those black and white 'how to date' videos and 'how you should treat women if you join the Marines. If you haven't seen them, they are pretty interesting. But now today most people somewhat reject any foundation laid out for them to varying degrees, if any foundation is laid out for them at all. We all have our ideas of what we want and expect. This creates an extra layer of difficulty for finding someone. First, we have the layer of wants, a series of visions of the life you want. This is the foundation layer. The other layer is chemistry, you may find someone who has completely different tastes than you, one likes sports and one likes reading, but they may still have great conversations that last until they get kicked out of the restaurant. Now if your chemistry matches up but your wants are different the relationship never lasts, one person wants to hook up while the other WANTS a relationship. If their chemistry does shove them together it’s a mess leading to heartbreak. What people want out of life is everything to them and why would they compromise with the only life they have. If you want kids then no sacrifice is too great for that goal.

But if your wants or foundation match up then there is a greater chance of compromise or wiggle room, outgoing guys being attracted to nerdy introverts but they both want 8 kids. So why do all dating programs from the 60s to today focus on chemistry? “OkCupid doesn’t know what it’s doing. Neither does any other website.” So says Okcupid's co-founder Christian Rudder. Why else would they keep their super great algorithms a secret rather than advertising their stupid philosophy? Well, except for a few things they do nothing but match you with someone who checked the same boxes. But that's not a bad thing so long as you ask the right questions. The question focused on wants. So on my site, I like to say it’s the first one to give you what you want. People feel this but there's nothing better so they make MTCH which owns all major dating websites, worth about 4 billion dollars today. Now all these sites boil down to who looks the best and is close enough. But what if you also knew someone who also wants to hook up twice a week, once on Tuesday and again on Friday from 7-9 pm, or someone who also wants a date every Friday after work with only a kiss on the cheek at the end? Whatever you want you can find someone who has the same want and the same expectations. That not only gets you what you want though. Making expectations clear makes those first dates less pressured; when you can relax you can be yourself and which in turn reveals the true nature of the chemistry those 2 people share. It snowballs positivity rather than negativity because on the other websites if you don't both like hang gliding, the other websites keep you away from each other because of a misunderstanding of chemistry.

With the pattern only getting worse we have now reached the bottom of the structure-less barrel. From here society can only crave structure that can be seen with Japanese websites for contract marriages and more arranged marriages. Ironically it’s the gold digger websites that get it right. One girl wants to be spoiled and one rich guy doesn't want to not get exactly what he wants. I wouldn't be surprised if these relationships lead to marriage because they both have an understanding between them that serves as the structure to live the life they want where all their needs and wants are met. And it must be mentioned that the people with the most consistent AND the highest rates of marriage satisfaction come from arranged marriages. Their enthusiasm is the lowest in the beginning and increases over time because they have the foundation and structure of their wants and expectations being met first. They are met with a kind of terms and conditions, a contract, a treaty, but I prefer a deceleration.

People think a problem with online dating is having too many options when there are fewer options because people have more specific wants as the time they want and the life they want. “Don't ask me why I'm here.” And then they explain what they want. This is one of the flags showing the future. And people are slowly catching on. So join today or shoot me an email with suggestions or if you want to join me in making the world a better place.

We have many technologies that make our lives more efficient. Let’s not make dating exempt from that. For better or worse we do have our unique ideas and wants in today's age but we must be able to find those other like-minded people. In transition times things are more complicated before they become a simple structure to navigate. Because rather than the rules of dating changing from one generation to the next as they always have, this time we will have many sets of rules. It is only natural that we need the tool that has touched our lives in every other way: technology. People are reaching out online not because they are anti-social but because we as a species are reaching out for something better; a communication improvement.

Marriage Questionnaire

At It's A Deal Maker, we encourage those already in a relationship to use our guidelines to ensure they get what they want. When wants and expectations are clear on both sides, a foundation is created that allows for the freeing structure of a happy life. In arranged marriages, a contract or deal is created. This does make the enthusiasm of the new relationship low in the beginning...but ends with those in arranged marriages having the highest rates of marriage satisfaction. So have it both ways and get what you want!

  1. Do you want to raise a family?
  2. How many kids do you want?
  3. What goals do you want to achieve?
  4. What kind of partner do you want?
  5. How much are you willing to compromise?
  6. Do you want true love?
  7. Vision of the life you want: “My perfect partnered life and lifestyle would look like...”
  8. Who provides?
    • Husband provides
    • Wife provides
    • 50/50
  9. Debt:
    • Should enter marriage debt free
    • Individually manage own debt
    • Work together to resolve debt
    • Wife will take care of debt
    • Husband will take care of debt
  10. Living arrangements
    • Wife will move in with husband
    • Husband will move in with wife
    • Live separately
  11. Household responsibilities
  12. Childcare responsibilities
  13. How infidelity will be handled?
  14. List reasons that divorce will be acceptable or 'Til death do us part.'
  15. The wife will provide __ and in exchange the husband will provide __. (ex: “Support, Respect, Money, Love, Meeting Sexual Needs, Affection, A Home, Food, Cars, etc.”)